This is a nonsense guide as you can probably tell from the title. I’m not telling you how to beat procrastination, but rather for those workaholics out there, here is how you can easily learn to chuck the books and watch the telly for hours on end. The very important slogan of the lesson (that you must keep in your mind while practising these theories) is, “Never do today what you can leave till tomorrow!”

So, how do you procrastinate? As what I am doing right now, posting this instead of doing my GP AQ that is due the following day.

#1 EAT !

This works particularly well with crisps/chips or other foods you have to partake with your hands!! Think about it, you either hold a pen in your hand or you hold a chip in your hand. You just can’t do both at the same time. (P.S. It helps not to be ambidextrous.) Don’t attempt to read your notes while eating either, you must be careful not to leave crumbs all over your work. After you eat a chip, do you really want to hold your pen in your filthy hand? No! Go wash your hands! While you’re there, you might as well take a dump, or play around with some make-up or facial wash, or scrub the toilet. Or how about a shower? After your shower, omona! Your hair is wet. You don’t want those splotches of water disfiguring your sheets of paper do you? Of course not! Why don’t you lt your hair dry first? Have a seat on the couch, relax, fall asleep. And what do you know. It’s already tomorrow! Congrats you have succeeded in procrastinating.

#2 Turn the computer on – be easily distracted

Doing some English essay and the right word just won’t come to your mind? Don’t fret! Search the dictionary, the thesaurus. Oh look, more words that you’d like to learn. You’re just buzzing with excitement of new knowledge. Don’t worry, go ahead and click those unfamiliar words. Nobody said it was wrong to learn! Click  *msn* click  *neopets* click *facebook* Woops! How did that happen? Day over.

Also works for Math formulas, scientific formulas, blah blah.

#3 Turn the television on

Refer to #2 (Also refer to future guide on How to be lazy; which apparently isn’t up yet because I am lazy, and procrastinate)

#4 Have your phone next to you

Sms smsms smsms :)) Even if you know that you didn’t receive any message, it’s just human instinct to check your phone. Unlock phone, look at wallpaper of secret crush,  draft message to secret crush, delete confessional message, sigh, lock phone,  rinse and repeat.

Okay I can’t think of any thing else at the moment. I’ll add more if I can think of any substantial points. Hahaha. T-T Kbye!

Okay la, if you want to learn how not to procrastinate, then just do the opposite of what this guide says. Duh! :))